This Bird Has Flown

A Brief Homage to the Hummingbird

If you saw my post on Monday about the farewell luncheon I was invited to for my coworker, the Hummingbird, on Tuesday…this is what she ordered:

Two very large Blood Orange Martinis. Not a morsel of food.

8 coworkers showed up for the blowout luncheon. It took place at a diner-cum-Italian restaurant on 6th. The event was booked by the Bowerbird (but chosen in advance by the Hummingbird). Without a glance at the bar menu or missing a beat, she ordered the two martinis.

The Bowerbird acted as if he were paying for the whole thing, which he wasn’t. Administration funded the luncheon, in keeping with their practice of enabling their worst employees’ bad behavior, particularly those that spew venom and swear out loud like a hip hopper in the middle of a workday.

The ersatz salmon panini I was served (salmon salad minus the mayo, pretty much, between some sort of bun etched with parallel charred lines on top) was recommended to me by the Hummingbird.

Suddenly, the Hummingbird, sloshed by now, began pontificating about the meaning of life and the importance of loving what you do and giving back and following your bliss — which was the reason she was going to open a yoga studio.

Her stream of conscious cliche fest was interrupted by the Bowerbird, who shouted: “Pass the fries.”

Sadly, he was referring to the communal paper cone stuffed with soggy fries, which he ordered for all of us to share as an appetizer. Big spender. And it’s not even his money. His own “meal” was left untouched. He said he didn’t like it. It looked disgusting. I couldn’t even guess what it was.

I admit, I thought this day would never come. But today was really the Hummingbird’s final day on the job.

As always, she showed up at the office dressed for the part. Wearing shorts!

Gracing us with her presence for 3 hours, she and her shorts abruptly leapt out of her office chair at noon. In a dramatic display of weepiness, she rapidly rounded the corner toward the exit calling out a breezy: “I don’t do goodbyes” — and she was gone.

For good. I can hardly believe it. I should be happy. But I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. We still have the Bowerbird.

The Hummingbird’s gallery of personalized post-it notes pinned to her cubicle wall of self-love she abandoned without a second glance.

She even left this final post-it note behind, which was tacked up only yesterday:

GOODMORNINGMYLOVE

Who knows…maybe she wrote all those post-it notes herself — to herself. Hey, if you don’t love yourself, nobody else will.

Pass the fries!

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One Response to “This Bird Has Flown”

  1. maryellenlavelle Says:

    Goodbye Hummingbird ! I will miss the postings. Somehow I know you will be easily replaced with another unique avian. I felt as though I attend the luncheon ME

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