“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”

Oscar Wilde said that. He’s right, of course.

Today I found myself staring out the window into space and wondering: Who Am I? Sometimes, I forget.

viewdownblock4th of July flags a-waving…

My recent bout of malaise I blame on the weather. Epic heat, sopping humidity and monsoon conditions these past couple of weeks — plus an overload of mind-numbing work piling up on my desk all week. As usual, he withheld from me the reason for so much work until the last minute. 

After skipping lunch 3 days in a row to get all the work finished by Wednesday afternoon, only then did I find out via e-mail that he was taking a 4-day weekend. That I’m working tomorrow, however, is of little import.

When fielding life’s curveballs, I try to take in the “big picture.” Doing so enables me to wax philosophical. To get an overview. It’s either that or allow the unrelenting dreariness of a 9-5 day job smack me in the face daily.

Or, if I have the mental energy when I get home, I post a blog!

Naturally, I cannot relay any of this information to my boss — who, FYI, makes about 30 times more an hour than I doing the same spiritless drudgery called office work. A boss who  gave me as a gift last December the following item. Others in the office got, at the very least, a semi-personal gift from their boss.

However, this ceramic vessel  arrived hand-delivered wrapped in cellophane with an unaddressed gift tag. I’m talking blank.

xmasMugsm…and all I got for Christmas was this stupid mug

Which brings to mind another quotable quote:

“There is nothing more awful, insulting, and depressing than banality.” – Anton Chekov

Needless to say, with all this slavery and nasty weatherly conditions going/not going on, I missed my customary lunch time escapes to Central Park. I missed sitting in nature. I missed walking around the city.

If I thought I could pull it off, I would heed the advice of the ancient Arabs:


Or perhaps rejoice in the music found in Keats’s famous ode (but he was addressing an urn, not a human):

“Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard
Are sweeter: therefore, ye soft pipes, play on…”

But none of this brings me closer to myself if I’m not ready to accept the message.

Better to stand in front of one of my paintings, which I did a short time ago. To gaze at myself from the outside looking in, so to speak. Only then can I remember who I am:

chrysalisChrysalis  © 2013

“Follow your inner moonlight,” said Allen Ginsberg. “Don’t hide the madness.” 


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