A Man Walks Into a Barbershop…(True Story)

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On Saturday, J.C. goes to get his head shaved by the local Colombian barber. He arrives at the shop when it opens. He takes a seat next to the wall and waits for the barber to call him.

He is sitting there for a while when an African guy rushes into the shop and says, “Come quick! Somebody hit the Chinese guy’s new SUV parked right in front!”

As a crowd gathers on the street, three workers from the barber shop hurry out the door. The woman that hit the car is trying to drive away, but the crowd surrounds the car and forces her to pull over.

At first, the barber looks at the woman behind the wheel of the van and thinks she’s from India because of how she is dressed.

So when he comes back in the shop he says, “I  don’t know what’s wrong with these people. They come from other countries where they spend their whole lives riding a donkey and then they come here and buy a big car and they can’t even see over the hood. They’re always hitting people on the avenue.”

Then, he suddenly realizes that J.C. is waiting for him. He says: “Why didn’t you yell out that you were waiting for me? How was I supposed to know?”

J.C. takes a seat in the barber chair. But then the barber puts down his razor and goes back out into the street.

Shortly after, he comes back in and says: “You’re not going to believe this. The woman driving the car doesn’t have a license. Doesn’t have insurance. Doesn’t have any I.D. at all on her. And the best part is, she’s a nun from Louisiana!”

So everyone in the shop starts telling stories about the crazy things that have happened to them with car accidents in Jackson Heights.

The barber tells J.C. that only recently he was driving down Northern Blvd. minding his own business when an Indian guy tried to make a U-turn from a parking space and sideswiped his car.

The barber got out of his car and noticed from the logo on the Indian guy’s car that he worked for the city. When he walked over to him, the Indian guy broke down crying. The barber told the guy, “Stop crying. Don’t be so upset. Nobody got hurt. You can fix a car but you can’t fix people.”

Then the barber says to J.C., “You know, when I was outside before, I went over to the nun and said, What would you have done if you would’ve hit a person instead of a car? Then she tells me: But I didn’t hit a person, I hit a car.

“That’s no way for a nun to behave,” the barber mutters. “Nuns are supposed to think about stuff like that.”

Then he proceeds to tell J.C. how Louisiana is a bad and dangerous place and not as nice as people think, because he has a friend that moved down there, so he knows first-hand. His friend went down with $800,000.00 in his pocket — all the money he had in the world — and opened a hotel. Then, Katrina hit. The tourists weren’t renting any rooms in his hotel, so he was forced to rent it out to prostitutes.

And he still hasn’t made back his money.

“I don’t know about those people from Louisiana,” he says.

Suddenly, the Chinese guy, the one whose car was hit, rushes in from outside. He tells the barber, “I need some advice.” He’d been talking to the nun. “She’s offering me $500 not to call the police. I don’t know what to do.”

“Hey, man,” says the barber. “Take the $500! I know where you can get that scratch fixed for $200 and you can put $300 in your pocket. If you call the police it’ll get tied up in court for three years and you’ll never see that woman again.”

The Chinese guy thanks him and goes out the door. Minutes later, the African guy comes back into the shop. He walks over to the barber and asks, “Hey, how much do you charge to shave a head?”

Just another typical day in Jackson Heights.

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